Sairaji, you had a fantastic innings as a screen. Don’t you miss being a star?
I think I’ve been singularly blessed to be a grand-daughter to one of the most accomplished classical vocalists of her time, Shamshad Begum, who gave up everything in her prime, daughter to one of the most ravishingly beautiful actresses (Naseem Banu) ever, and wife to the greatest actor (Dilip Kumar). What more can I desire?
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But those are all associative roles. What about your own individual identity as an actress?
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I’m not being a martyr when I say I don’t regret putting my career on the backburner. I’m grateful for every day that I get with the people I love. Every touch and hug that I got from my grandmom and mom was therapeutic. Of course, I go through my share of depression, especially now when my grandmother, mother, and the love of my life (husband Dilip Kumar) are gone. I’m at my best within my family fold. Outside, I’m withdrawn, aloof, and reserved. I constantly needed my cuddles and hugs from my loved ones. How could I sacrifice that to work under the harsh lights?
You had a slew of hits in the 1960s and 70s?
I gave up my acting career at its peak. Many people warned me that I was retiring too early. But I’m grateful to God for helping me to make the right decision at the right time. It was important for me to be near my grandmother, mother, and husband, not because they needed me but because I needed them. Those golden moments that I shared with them were worth all the career sacrifices that I made. It was never my ambition to watch myself in magnified closeups on screen. Even now, some of my colleagues lead such self-focussed lives. Even now, they live their past stardom in their minds as though it’s their mother’s milk.
So you sacrificed your career for the pleasures of family?
Don’t call it a sacrifice. I’m as attached to my career as a producer as I was to my career as an actress.